It’s been a while since I posted about parenting. As a hands-on mom, parenting for me is something that you experience, learn from it, discover its flaws and wonders, and absolutely a turning point of becoming a better person. Just like in a relationship, parenting is not for everybody. It takes a lot of sacrifices, challenges, and firm decision-making in raising a child. I just wanted to share of how to deal when you have a defiant child.
Yes, I have a defiant child. They say that the character or attitude of a child usually depends on the upbringing of the parents and their living environment. I can say that it contributes to the character molding of the child but every person or child is unique. We can’t compare two kids living in the same house because of the unique qualities they possess.
I am not an expert here. I have two kids, a boy and a girl. I love them both but they are completely different. We have the same love and care to both of our kids, but we have to deal with different approach. One is defiant and the other one is simply easy to manage.
Although my son is a defiant child, he have these wonderful qualities that is rare to find in a child. He is a fast learner. It is actually a challenge to me. Here’s the post Challenge with my fast learner child. He possess most of the qualities in How to identify a gifted child? To help him in shaping some of his gifts, last year I enrolled him in a music lesson in playing organ. He never fails to play wonderful music. He can play group organ, solo, and lately he is in a kids band. Some of his pieces are “My Heart will Go On”, ” You Raise Me Up”, “What a wonderful World”, “Put Your Record On”, and a lot more. Before he was able to complete the organ play, it’s a real struggle for both of us. His focus, mood, and time management are the pressure we faced.
Because one of his active traits is being defiant, almost everyday is a challenge. Imagine that sometimes it began in the morning and end in the evening. I admit that sometimes I raise my voice, cry, disappointed, or just feel lazy to deal with it. Do not judge me, please! I am doing the best I can to be a good mom for my kids.
So, how to deal when you have a defiant child?
- Ask what’s the problem or the reason of why he is being defiant. There is a possible event, person, of thing that could possibly trigger him to be that way. I usually try to solve it right away so it stopped.
- Have rules and be firm. Normally, he would stick with the rules but make sure to be firm. For example, in the house, before playing you have rules to study first. In our case at home, he would comply it. Be firm, because if not he will try to take over those rules.
- Appreciate what he does for the day. No matter how small or big his accomplishments are, be affectionate and show him that you appreciate and care. Like most of the child, they like to be pampered with love and hugs.
- If he keeps on resisting, think of other situation or ways with rules that he can relate to the current situation. Also, tell them the outcome that may happen if it is going to be good, bad, or even worst.
- Pray and I always tell my child about the 10 commandments of God. Yes, I tell him. It is because sometimes he oppose saying I am strict with lots of rules so I tell him that’s how I love him like God did giving us the 10 commandments.
Those are some ways of how to deal when you have a defiant child based on my experience as a hands-on mom. Because we are unique, we have our own ways, it might work for me and might work for you too or vice versa. Kids are blessings from God so let’s raise them to be a better person.